Just like Harry Potter, but Indian. And real.

Of-fucking-course they are announcing the school Prefectorial Board today. The day I happen to be a part of the choir at our morning assembly, hence standing on the stage already. Imagine you were nominated for the Oscars and the whole time the camera is focussed on your face for the world to see your reaction as the winners are announced. I know this isn’t the Oscars, but when you’re 16 and in high school, everything seems higher stakes than it actually is.

Let me back up here and explain the set-up for my American readers. Quick History lesson: India was a British colony for 100 OR 200 years, depending on when you start counting. We only gained independence in 1947, fairly recently. There’s an ongoing debate on whether the colonization helped or hurt India, with each side having their own Pros and Cons list. One item that falls on the Pros list, irrespective of which side you’re on, is the British education system.

We got the English immersion style education (where you study all subjects in English vs. your native tongue), the British spellings (forever making me lose points in English papers because I spelled color the way my computer liked it vs colour, which is how my teachers liked it), and the Houses and a student body Prefectorial Board. If you’re thinking this sounds like Harry Potter you are right, it was EXACTLY like Harry Potter.

Except we had 6 houses instead of 4. Named after the 6 big rivers in India (Indians are very good at Indianizing non Indian things)— Ravi, Jhelum, Satluj, Cauvery, Ganga, and Yamuna. Each House had a Captain, and a Prefect (sorta like the Vice Captain). And then we had the part of the board that transcended the houses. A Cultural Captain, a Literary Captain, and a Sports Captain, with each one of them having their own deputies i.e. Prefects. Even higher up in the hierarchy were the two most important positions— Headboy and Headgirl. If you made it to one of those, your names would be etched permanently on the giant granite wall outside the Principal’s office right at the school entrance.

It wasn’t easy to achieve any position on the board, but the top two positions were especially hard. You had to be good at sports, literary activities like debates, writing etc., and have an above average skill and participation in cultural activities like dance, drama, singing etc. All this while maintaining high grades, so the other students could look up to you. You also had to be ‘likable’ by the teachers, the administrators, and the students.

I am ambitious, but also realistic. I had never aimed for the Headgirl position in middle school, but I had been fairly confident I would get the Cultural Captain job. If not that, I HAD to be the Captain of Satluj house. Well, I was wrong. The position they had given me back then was Satluj house Prefect. Me, a Prefect? The lowest possible position on the ladder. I had not worn my badge that whole year in protest.

That was then, and this is now—high school. These are the big leagues. I had been interviewed by the selection committee, and while I knew I definitely had a position I couldn’t really tell which one. It sounded like it was for Cultural Captain, but I had adjusted my expectations because of prior experience and decided I would be happy with Satluj House Captain. Anything but House Prefect again.

I am trying to play out the worst case scenario and figure out exactly how I might respond to that when they announce the Satluj House Prefect.

“Kanika Agarwal”

Phew! Not me. Crisis averted.

They then announce the Prefects for the other houses. One by one they come up to the stage to collect their badge, their shoulder marks that they get to wear for the rest of the year, and their congratulatory handshake from the school Principal.

Clap Clap Clap. Fake smiling. This isn’t moving fast enough! Let’s get to the House Captains.

“Please congratulate our Satluj House Captain, Nazima Khan.”

This is interesting. I do all sorts of permutations and combinations in my head to figure out what this means. If I am not the House Captain (phew!), and Nazima is...that means Nazima isn’t the Cultural Captain. Does that mean I am the Cultural Captain? But wait, there’s also Richa Singh. Who could be Cultural Captain, but she could also be the Cauvery House Captain. Hmmm.

“...Captain of the Cauvery house, Abhimanyu Chaudhary.”

More clapping. More fake smiling. Math in my head intensifying.

Not Richa. Well, crap. This isn’t good. There’s no way Richa doesn’t get anything. But if the Cultural Captain should go to me, then maybe she gets Headgirl? That would make sense. Or she gets Cultural Captain and I get nothing. Or...HOLY SHIT! She gets Cultural Captain and I get...Headgirl? I want to believe it but I can’t! Headgirl HAS to be either Richa or Pallavi.

“..your Literary Captain, Pallavi Gupta.”

Well, there you go. Pallavi is not Headgirl. Gotta be Richa then. And I should get Cultural Captain. I get ready to go get MY congratulatory handshake because that’s being announced next.

“Please join me in congratulating your Cultural Captain, Richa Singh.”

.

Wait what? What? NO! HOLY SHIT is right!

I struggle to not burst into an outright grin (or possibly tears) as I, along with the whole school (as my friends would later tell me), have just figured out whose name will be etched on that granite wall.